i wish i was a better singer. i wish i could do musicals again, and not as the chorus, but the lead. i miss the stage. life has been quiet and mundane without the thrill of the bright lights, the racing of my heart of that moment before i walk out of the curtains. mms. i miss it. but i'll get back (:

hello flatmate, i'm thinking of our pumpkins. halloween's coming (:

my birthday feels alot more quiet this year. without the usual excitement. somehow, it feels that my birthday has become something of a burden. i have to please people, think of ways to celebrate with my various groups of friends or family, fit their preferences & their timetables. i'm tired. i always wondered if it was because i always organised my own birthday parties that no one ever asked me out to celebrate my birthday. that i always made things convenient for them, so no one thought to ask otherwise. and yet it seems that isn't the reason. shrugs. perhaps its because i haven't celebrated my birthday in singapore in 3 years? haha. it feels abit hollow. or maybe we're too old for special celebrations? have i moved on to orderly, little dinners then? or maybe i should just get over it already and realise it is another day.

mms, i still remember chor ming with my cupcake on my 20th. and cass, ming & chor ming [and stanley. haha] on my 21st (: the sweet but erh rather big failure of my surprise 19th. orchestrated by the oddest person in retrospect. and the wonderful 16th.

i think i'm getting depressed from staying at home -.- and the fact that he's around. can't wait for the oppressive air here to be gone for at least a few days. sighs. self-pity is a disgusting bitter taste in my mouth. i'm better than that.